For any who haven't heard, our lives have been a bit tumultuous lately. We almost bought a house... well, I'm not sure "almost" is the right word. We put an offer on a house and the current owners took it off the market the next day. I guess our offer wasn't "in their neighborhood."
All that happened last week, so this week I'm thinking of home. Not so much of the houses I grew up in or of the house we're renting now, but the idea of home; the idea that a person can (and perhaps ought to) have one accepting and stationary place that they call "home." The idea of home is that almost mythical notion that gives us the ability to explore and to grow, yet always remaining able to return back to the security of that immovable and constant "home."
It's that notion of constancy that has my gears turning today. I don't think I've looked at any place I've lived in as permanent since I was a child: it dawned on me as an adolescent that my parent's house would not always be my house and, ever since then, I have been living in places that have belonged to other people. That was fine while I was in school; it even made sense in what I consider the early part of my calling, but I'm ready to be done with that now. I'm in a place in my life where I need to belong; I need to develop an identity that is about more than just what I do, but about where I am and about the people who are there with me. My wife needs to see the fulfillment of her dreams, my children need the security of living somewhere for more than a few years, and I need to feel "at home."
As I say this, I recognize that there may be some who only understand this idea of "home" in an abstract way, if at all. I feel fortunate in that I grew up in a secure and unshakable home that I can look back on fondly and strive for, but perhaps the idea of home is only best understood abstractly (at least it's less easily muddied up by a "family values" debate). Besides, if we talk about "home" in a less tangible way, then we can also talk of how the church can help to meet that need.
I was speaking the other day with someone who was church shopping. As she put it, she was looking around for a church that was like the church she grew up in. Although eventually I suspect that she'll have to "settle," what she said resounded with me. I credit the church I grew up in with having a tremendous impact on the path my life has taken. In a sense, I look back on my early church experience in the same way I look at my early home life. In fact, the idea of home and the idea of church are to me the same idea in many ways. And just as I have this drive to live out the idea of home I also desire to create a church that lives up to the image of "church" as I idealize it. When that church shopper told me that she was looking for the church she grew up in, my response was, "That's one of the reasons I got into ministry: to re-create the church I grew up in."
I'm quite certain that I'm not the only one who does that. In fact I'd love to hear from you on this: please drop me an email or leave a comment below and tell me about your ideal church. Tell me about the church or churches in your life that you'd like to re-create. What are the common traits that you currently see in your church and what could be done to make it feel more like "home" to you?
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6 comments:
Brian- Don't ask me how I found this... I'm not sure myself.
Good luck on the house search.
This subject is one that I have pondered a lot.
As someone who has moved around a lot, I always wanted a home. After college, I picked where I'd like to live, bought a house, and have now lived here longer than anywhere else, 9 years. Second place goes to Glendora, CA, when I knew you, at 5 years.
Although I love having a "home", and part of my identity is now steeped in my surroundings and family and friends here, I try to remember that this is nothing that is promised to me from God. I consider it a huge blessing, but I try to remember that we are never really expected to "fit in" anywhere here on Earth and that our comfort, or even our well-being, is not exactly one of God's priorities. I don't know if my "remembering" will keep God from uprooting us, but I feel certain that if I tell God, "I'm staying here."; then He will promptly make plans to make me move. My identity is supposed to be in my position with Him, not in any geographical position
Your ideas on a "home" church are interesting... I know church-goers who have an attitude of " this is my church and always will be, and I like it the way it is. -Pastors come and go and I appreciate them or tolerate them until the next one." Then there are those who shop around for "McChurch", and consume as needed and then move on. Few seem to look for a place where they can both be ministered to and have a ministry, knowing that that is going to change over the years as we change and, hopefully, as the individual churches change... hopefully change that is directed by God. As a pastor, I can imagine which attenders you might prefer.
I considered Glenkirk the ideal church while I was there and I certainly would be less of a person without that experience, but I have changed and so has Glenkirk... it certainly wouldn't be a good fit now.
When I began helping with our Youth Group here, I thought that it should be more like my Youth Group experience. I think I even hoped to play the role of one of the Casselles brothers. I eventually learned the obvious that all youth groups are different, along with all youth pastors and their expectations of the help, and that a Glenkirk formula would not work here. I'm different, the church is different, Indiana kids are way different than California kids... It's a good thing that God is smart enough to work differently in different churches with different people... if only I was smart enough to go along with Him.
I had great experiences and made great memories everywhere I've lived. I have to remember that things always change and that anything here on Earth is not going to give me the security I crave.
In short: You can return, but you can never go back.
Hey, thanks for providing a place for me to ramble on one of my favorite subjects.
Chris Volkers
Winona Lake, IN
Hi Bri:
It is not surprising that the feeling you had as a child of a home church is so strong. It was not lightly that a church was chosen that reached out to youth, that was growing and vital in the community and was Christ centered. Your parents, who came from different backgrounds loved the Lord and wanted you be protected in His loving arms. We are so happy and proud that you have followed Him and seek to make a church home for others.
DAD
Brian:
I'm not certain I belong in your blog, but this is a topic that resonates for me because Calvary offered me a church home when I felt called to learn the "pastor business" but had no idea how to begin. I felt like I had a couple dozen mentors there, people I could depend upon to a) love me, and b) speak the truth in love. That's my ideal for family and home, and I have never felt it as strongly as I did, and do, at CPC. There's a tremendous amount of grace there, even, or perhaps especially, during some very difficult times. You and CPC are blessed to have found each other.
Suzy Meyer
Cortez
Brian,
I found this topic really interesting for where I have been for the past several months. Having been in a Presbyterian church for about 12 years because it reminded me of the church I grew up in, I never thought I would make such a change as I have this year. I now feel very at home at the Assembly of God pastored by your friend Steve. What I have found has been a great outpouring of love, people who are passionate about their faith and are at church because they would rather be there than anywhere else. I hear the truth spoken, even when it is hard to hear, and accepted with love. Changing church homes is really difficult, and I couldn't be in a place more different from what I always knew, but this is now home to me. I can really feel the presence of the Lord here.
Eileen Kroschel
Del Norte
Eileen,
You know too well how much your story breaks my heart. I am grateful that God would lead you to a place you can call "home," just as I believe God has led me. But that doesn't keep the story from being tragic on so many levels and I want you to know how personally sorry I am to you for the ways I have contributed to it.
I too found a sense of home with Steve. He has been a constant reminder to me of what the Body of Christ truly looks like; beyond denominations, church facilities, and worship styles. As a colleague he helped me imagine the church in Del Norte as one congregation and I will miss his companionship.
But what is true through my relationship with Steve is also true in our broken relationships as well: we are one in Christ. I believe our Risen Savior has the power and will indeed restore those relationships and we will one day weep together with them with much joy and little regret. But until that day, may God bless you, use you, and care for you in the home that God has brought you to.
Brian,
This story may have started out sad, but as you know, our Lord can use anything for His purposes, and I feel that this story had ended with a ring of joy!
Eileen
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